Sad Max: Furry Ode

               AUNTY
It’s called Publisherworld.
It’s where Hugotown gets its
energy.

               MAX
Oil, natural gas?

              AUNTY
Puppies.

               MAX
Puppies like those? Bullshit.

              AUNTY
Puppy droppings. The lights,
the motors, the vehicles. . .

. . .all run by a high-powered
process called the wisdom of
the crowds. After reading a
lot and sharing what they love
with other fen, then
discussing it, they start to
converge on stuff that lots of
people think is worthy.

Hugos come from puppy droppings.

Have a look. Tell me what you
see.

               MAX
I see a big guy giving a little
guy a piggyback.

              AUNTY
ScalziVoxday. They’re a unit.
They even share the same name.

The little one is called Scalzi.
He’s the brains. He runs
Publisherworld. The other one
is Voxday. He’s the muscle.
Together they can be very
powerful. They are also
arrogant. We want to keep
the brain, dump the body.

               MAX
He’s big. Is he good?

              AUNTY
He can beat most men with his
breath.

               MAX
I want a closer look at him.
How do I get in there?

              AUNTY
It’s a fan award. Download the
packet.

               MAX
I know nothing about literary
criticism.

              AUNTY
You can shovel shit, can’t you?


              AUNTY
Welcome to the elimination
round!

Listen on! Listen on! This
is the truth of it. Pimpage
leads to campaigning, and
campaigning gets to warring.
And that was damn near
the death of us all. Look at
us now, busted up and
everyone talking about
Kratman. But we’ve learned
by the dust of them all.
Hugotown’s learned.

Now, when fen get to fighting,
it happens during elimination
rounds. And it finishes with
new selection rounds.

Ladies and gentlemen, boys
and girls. . .

. . .EPH time’s here!

EPH’s simple. It selects for
elimination things having shared
support from many fen for any
reason whatsoever.

Do you want jousts in which
innocent bystanders are
knocked down?

Do you think that organized
campaigns for a fan award
deserve to be rewarded with
one or two ballot slots?

Remember, no matter where you
go, there you are.

I know you won’t break the
rules.

There aren’t any.

Prepare!

Two fen enter, one fan leaves!

Mad_&_Dog

For Mike Glyer.

Hat tip: Glenn Hauman.

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2 thoughts on “Sad Max: Furry Ode

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